September 22nd, 2009



I don't feel that I'm ready for one yet, but at the same time I'm strongly drawn toward two different women. One who is local and significantly older and one who is about the same age as I am but lives across the Atlantic. I find myself asking the same questions of God over and over again. Who is the most right for me, who is it you would rather me be with? I don't know if I'm just not listening or not asking loud or long enough but I find myself unable to choose to be just friends with one and not the other. The local woman is mature, spiritual, and I believe to Godly whose kids have grown and moved out on their own a while ago. The one who lives across the Atlantic is a single mother looking for God in all the right spots, I think, and for all the right reasons. When I compare myself to them, though, I find myself lacking in many areas. I don't feel as mature, or Godly (although I am working on that), or secure not just in my sense of self but in my ability to keep a job and the like. I know what it's like to take care of a child. I've been helping, in one way or another, to do so for almost 3 years.

I don't want to close myself off completely to relationship possibilities completely, but I definitely do not want to enter into one prematurely, especially if it's with the wrong person for me. I want my next relationship to be for keeps.

[tags]religion, self, relationships[/tags]