January 6th, 2009



For the longest time I wanted to have kids. I wanted the joy of being a parent, even knowing it's not all rose petals and silk. I wanted the security in knowing that I'll have passed something lasting on to the world that could perhaps make a difference once I'm dead and buried.

Now I feel very arrogant to have thought like that. I know it's not depression talking, nor is it the medication. For the first time in a long time, especially within the last three years, I've been giving having kids a lot of serious thought and the only conclusion I can come to is that I do not want kids; either of my own genetic line or of someone else's. I look at how I handle stress, even on my medications, and I cannot justify putting kids through that kind of roller coaster ride where they have to worry if daddy is going to be OK or if they have to worry for their own safety.

Toward that end, the next time I see my doctor I'm going to talk to him about getting a vasectomy as it would be the only 100% sure-thing to make sure I couldn't have kids.

[tags]self, life[/tags]

Originally published at Ameliorations 1.0.