So I've been keeping pretty busy with work. I sent my lady friend a letter, hopefully I'll get a response within the next few days. I so do miss hearing from her.
You know, I thought once I started to get my mental illness under control all the other chips would fall into place. My self-esteem problems would magically disappear, women would give me more then one look, and I'd be able to finally really save money. Either I don't have my disorder as under control as I thought I have or my notions of what the change was going to be like were all wrong. I'm fairly certain it's a combination of both with the latter being more dominant. I have misconceptions on what recovery is going to be like. Some things are easier, and I think women give me a quarter more of a look then they used to, in general; but over all I don't feel as if life has changed all that much.
Well, I take that back. Since being in Knoxville I knocked off nearly 40 pounds (I weighed in at 227 at the doctors office last week Wednesday), my cholesterol is close to being under control without medication, and for the first time in a long time I'm at a job I enjoy, even look forward to, going to every night. That isn't to say I don't mind coming home in the morning but at least I enjoy my work enough to look forward to it each evening. I still have fears and doubts, especially about my relationship with my lady friend. I can't help but feel that, once again, I'm going to have to move on and I don't want that to happen before I can start to get to know her better. Life's too short to have such meaningless encounters, or at least, such short ones. I'm not convinced that any encounter is meaningless, especially if you've learned from the experience.
So where does this all leave me? Where do I go from here? What is my next move aside from getting my own place (which I am so close to doing that I can almost taste it)? I'm not so sure what it is, but I do know I'll figure something out.
[tags]self, blog, relationships, health, life, work[/tags]