October 7th, 2006

omg

When Tasked With Something Monumental, Ask for Help

Sometimes it is hard to believe the worst about someone, even when faced with stark reality. How does one go about kicking out a once trusted friend without feeling like a scoundrel himself? I now face that situation and am unable to fathom how I can even confront this friend without coming off like a complete ass myself. I’ve done my best to be a friend helping a friend but now I see I was just taken advantage of, but at the same time I cannot bring myself to just throw him out on the street with no where to go. I’ve given him two weeks refuge at my new apartment and he already has stolen $10 from me — although I am willing to let that go as a mis-communication if that is what it turns out to be — and I know now I cannot trust him.

The one benefit that has come from this is that it has given me time to be objectively introspective, or as objective as one can be about themselves. I’ve looked back at my past relationships — the past two in particular — and saw how my hand helped shaped the end of those relationships as surely as if I had been the one to say I do not love you anymore or This isn’t going to work out. Of course this introspection only makes the choice even harder, does he stay as I originally promised or does he go as his current actions demand? Of course not only the introspection stays a decision at this moment, but the fact I cannot justify in any case except the most extreme throwing him out on the street. He would literally be homeless. I cannot stand the idea of having a hand in making him homeless. The conditions on which he is staying are quite clear. Save up money to get an apartment of his own.

He suggested something that would save us both money, get a two bedroom to share, but I cannot for the life of me trust him. I won’t trust him, not again. It was a good idea until I confirmed the missing money (I had told him he could borrow $10 of the $20 I had in quarters for my laundry so he could get gas for his jeep) was indeed gone. I had been warned, but I felt that with the ground rules laid down, things would go smoothly. As much as we are alike, I try my best not to lie. I did once with Jamie (one of my ex’s), but that was the first time in a long time and since then, the last time. I have never stolen from anyone or any company, not since I was a young boy and didn’t fully understand the reprecussions of my actions. My parents quickly spanked and embarassed the desire to have something for nothing out of me.

The guy is a really a good man, but damnit if he’s changing into the things he claims to hate the most. A liar and a theif.