December 29th, 2000


what a wierd day

Today (make that yesterday) was a very wierd day. I did a mock rant to let two people know that I had a crush on them, but I didn't want to go any farther then just being friends. Both understood. Although I think I confused the hell out of one and now she isn't talking to me. The other is just a big flirt. :P

I ranted at another friend for calling my ex (I guess you could call her that) stupid. That was a very long rant, not one I want to post on here. My ex had her reasons. We are still friends and I'm kewl with that, I really believe I am. Today (erm, yesterday), I was happier then I have been in several months. I know things will be different, and I might never know all the reasons why she decided to move back down to just being friends. I don't care anymore to be honest. Things happened, why, I'll never know, but they did.

So whats next for me? I don't know. I think I'll just lay low for a bit. I need a lot of time to think about things before I get into another relationship (never will start another net relationship, though).

As for other stuff, well, I'll deal with it one day at a time I guess.
  • Current Music
    #1. Here It Is -KLF-

Lessons Remembered

I think I know why things ended romantically between me and my lady friend, and it had nothing to do with my voice, and only a little to do with distance. It was a matter of trust and the anonymous(sp) nature of the internet. I trusted that she was who she said she was. To an extent she trusted me, that is, until things started moving a bit faster then before. When it was a nice slow, friendship, it's easy to trust. When things start getting more...personal, the very nature of who we are, and where we were going, and our entire situation came under fire. I was satisfied with the results, she wasn't. The results made her uncomfortable and that is why she decided to make things slow down. The only problem is that not only did they slow down, they completely stopped. Now we are just friends, and that won't ever change. It makes me sad, sad that she couldn't trust me as I trusted her. Sad that I couldn't reassure her doubts about me. Now none of that really matters, we are just friends, and as friends the net comes into play as a means to come close, not move farther apart. A close friend...I have only a few of those. I'm glad to call her one of those. What a wierd fucking past few months this has been for me.
  • Current Music
    #1. Down and Dubby