December 24th, 2000


(no subject)

Well, it's Christmas time and all is well in the land of insanity.

Cathy is back home in Wyoming, I'm just glad for that alone. I have resigned myself truly and wholly as just her friend. I still won't ever date...I don't have the heart for it anymore. I won't ever get myself into a situation where I could get a girl pregnant. I just might move down to Alabama with Steve and Dan, as soon as I pay off all my bills. I have no wish to remain in TN. When I do move, I will not tell Cathy. I don't even think I'll keep her on my Yahoo! and MSN Messenger buddy lists. I'll keep her email addy though. But that is just if I move, for then I'll have an excuse for "not being online". As for Dacey, I won't tell her either and I'll also remove her from my buddy list. There is no reason to let her know where I am and that I am actually online on a regular basis. I know she'll tell Cathy if she ever found out, I just know she would. *sighs* I don't know, my whole life has been one fucked up mess after another, I don't think that'll ever change so there is no use in dragging more people into it. I just want to die to be honest. Kristen says she'll miss me, but 2 days after I'm gone I'll be a distant memory. Sherry wouldn't miss me one bit, she is so into Tim. I don't know what possessed me to think that anything more then a distant friendship could be had by us. Dan and Dave Beechum will probably miss me the longest, but even then, I will become a distant memory. Dan has Steve and Dave has Tina (right now). No room for the poor stupid shit (eg, myself).

To be honest, I don't care either. When all is said and done, when the stage is clear and the curtain has made it's final fall, the only one left is me. They say no man is an island unto himself, but I disagree. I AM an island, one that is summarily rejected for one reason or another. The only constant is that rejection. I have come to a point where I almost think I want to be rejected, just so I can keep in familiar territory. I don't think I'll change and I don't think I want to change. In the words of ICP (Insane Clown Posse) "FUCK THE WORLD!"
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