December 20th, 2000


(no subject)

I look out my window and what do I see, snow. Pure, white, unassuming, cold. Then the sun comes out and melts the snow. It's winter (almost) and I am still stuck in the spring of this year...all those months feels like an eternity. I stress over things I can't control, I stress over what I can control, but I do not know how to control anything. I feel as if my life is in a flat spin with no hope of regaining control, hopefully I can ride it out without losing my mind.

I'm just starting to pick up the pieces of my broken heart but I wonder if I should just leave them where they lie and hope that I'll grow a new one.

Her words were the ones he most desperately prayed never to hear, her compassion was only tempered by her own pain at having to say them, her eyes were full of sorrow and he knew then, he knew that what she was going to say was going to hurt like crazy no matter how gentle her voice was, no matter how much she tried, it would hurt. All this he saw in her eyes when she inhaled in preperation for what she had to say, "I'm sorry," she paused, unsure where to go from there, unsure if the tears beginning to form in his eyes were real, she took another breath and continued on before she lost her nerve to do this, before it was too late, but it was too late even before this moment, and even that realization did not help her say what she had to say, "I think it's best if we just be friends. I truly believe that is what we were meant to be." She tried not to see the pain in his eyes, tried not to wince when she said those words, but she could see the pain and she did wince from it, she winced while he cried until his throat was raw and his eyes were dry and it hurt to blink. "I'm sorry," she tried to choke out in between her own sobs, her tears from causing him pain, something she wished she had never caused him, a pain which she caused, however unwittingly.
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