December 9th, 2000

omg

Scared

In all the Hells that may or may not be, the worst one is where uncertainty reigns. Uncertain how to help a friend, uncertain if that friend wants to continue talking to you, uncertain as to where to go. Is it over...is the 3 yr fairy tale friendship over? Has it finally died in the face of uncertainty? Even of that, I am uncertain, and that uncertainty has bred a fear in me, a fear that I have ruined the one friendship that I cared about more then anything else in the world, and that only compounds my fear of being alone, for if I couldn't keep this friendship alive, what does that say about my future. Not a whole lot, I can tell you that.

Always Strangers
By: Joseph A. Nagy, Jr

I
Strangers in here
Strangers out there
Strangers everywhere
Always Strangers
II
People I've known for years
People I've known all my life,
Always Strangers
III
Change is good, if it brings out the best
Change is bad, if it brings out the worst.
Always Changing,
Always Strangers.
IV
Parents - Strangers
Friends - Strangers
Relatives - Strangers
Always Changing
Always Strangers

Did I ever know her? Or was it just an illusion? Was it just wishful thinking that led me to believe that I could ever know her? Probably.
  • Current Music
    "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica
omg

The End

It is over, I know that now...I don't know if I could have done anything different, but I know now that it is over. She does not want to speak with me and it hurts...it hurts. With all the Gods that be as my witness, I know that I shall never love again. I might flirt occasionally and I might even date, but I shall never love again. It hurts to much to love. "'tis better to have love and lost then to have never loved at all", I don't know. Sometimes it rings true, at other times it sounds like a crock of shit. To lose even the friendship of the one you love/loved hurts like a hot poker being shoved through the eye. It's an unbearable thought, but it does happen. "And when all is said and done, when the lights are off and the stage is gone, what's left, nothing but the emptiness of me." Thats my own little quote.

No real need to interpret it as it speaks volumes and at the same time, it says nothing but those words between the quote marks. I loved her, I truly did, but now, things have changed and I don't even think she knows I'm alive. It's the same problem I have with women IRL, they don't even know I'm alive. Maybe I'm better off dead. I once tried it once, I sent off an email saying goodbye to some of my closest friends saying goodbye, she was one of them, she said that she would miss me if I were gone...well...I am gone...does she miss me, I can't say for sure, but I don't think she does. She knows I would move the world into a different orbit if only to make her winters as warm as her summers, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore as she no longer wishes to speak with me. She might not miss me, but I sure as hell am going to miss her. She will always be my goddess because she did care, I do believe that. At one time she did care. I guess she has her own problems and doesn't need me to add to them. Thats understandable. Karma...what a bitch it is.

Love, pain, hurt, they are all the same. They are all caused by others to some extent, and they all can be avoided rather simply if you ask me.

1) Never say something you don't mean
2) Never say "I love you", it hurts the other person when you find out you don't mean it
3) Never offer your help to a friend, they will only hate you when you can't help them.
4) Never, under any circumstances, marry someone you love, when they eventually leave, it will hurt (and you know they will leave) like nobody's business.

Think what you want of me but you know those rules to be accurate and true. Follow them and never look back.
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