December 8th, 2000

omg

More confusion

It has finally set in, utter and total confusion. :( I saw my friend online today letting me know that at least she was home...whether she was safe or sound is another thing entirely. I messaged her about 6 times over a period of two hours....but it was all to no avail as she replied not once. What did I do wrong? Yes, I should have sensed she was in trouble and I should have sent her more then one letter (and that only being a reply to one she sent me); does this mean I have failed as a friend? does this mean I have failed at the only thing she ever wanted me to be? I fear that I have and now...now there is nothing to do but hope I don't go crazy...crazy from having that one last chance (no, I know for sure now that second chances never happen, at least not for me) to make it right, I have failed her one last time and I am alone. *chuckles* Kinda ironic if you think about it, I managed to perpetuate the one state of being I fear the most, the state of being alone. Damn Murphy's Law...damnit all to goddamned mother fucking hell!a;flskdfda;sklfdsakljafdsklj

I have never loved one such as I have loved her, and I don't think I will feel this way for anyone else....my heart was big, and I gave it all to her because I thought that was what she wanted...ha! Who would want to be loved by me...not anyone I know, or thought I knew.

Yeah, well, here's another poem:

Where Does the Time Go?
By: Joseph A Nagy Jr

Where does the time go
When a friend goes away to boot camp
Where does the time go
When love is with you
Where does the time go
When love leaves you
Where does the time go
When you quetion everything you once held so dear
Where does the time go?

It disappears into the void
Trying to fill the emptiness inside
It disappears into the void
Failing to fill the emptiness inside
It disappears into the void
Never to be seen again
It disappears into the void
Because you don't even believe in time
It dissappears into the void, never to be seen again.

The emptiness created by time
Constructed in dispair
Made to try and give hope
Only Failing once you see past
Once you see past the facade
Created in despair to relieve despair
Only enhancing the loneliness
Enhancing the feeling of sadness, then
It dissappears, but was it ever there in the first place?

Where does the time go?
It goes nowhere for it is everywhere and everything
And it goes everywhere fo it is nowhere and nothing all at once
It spells out misery in a language
That no one can understand
It makes and breaks all that it touches
And it touches everything and everyone
Has it touched you?
I know it has already touched me.


Time...what a crock of shit.
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